This creation lies somewhere between an exercise bike and a ride-on mower. Geared so as to give a top speed in the tortoise-class, this monstrosity uses the same high-speed vertical-axis blades as conventional ride-on mowers, guaranteeing a clean cut and a thorough workout.
Do something (albeit slowly) with your exercise energy! Cut your grass in a way that's environmentally friendly! Don't eat meat! Buy a Prius! Kill your pets!
(I'm well aware that human-powered, and pedal-powered mowers have been tried and tribulated before, but I must stress that the goal here is not a mown lawn, but a tired and frustrated customer. At the very least it is an artwork, a commentary on the futility of human endeavour.)